Long time no post!

Well, I guess it is time to update my blog! I have been putting it off because I felt like I needed to catch up but honestly, that just won't happen. We have been to Disneyland and St. George, we are having a baby boy in 8 wks, we have had dance competitions, Jack started the nursing program, had to drop some classes and now is starting a new paid cohort group through the U at SLCC. Things are crazy.

Anyway, what I wanted to post about today. I am having a rough week. Last year on Mother's Day (which was on May 13, 2007 - exactly a year ago today), I had a secret. I was having a baby that was due on New Years Day 2008. I planned on telling my mom the next day when she went with me for an ultrasound. I was 7 wks. Mother's Day last year was the last day of peace I had with that pregnancy because I believed that everything was fine. Turned out that it wasn't. A year ago tomorrow, I found out that my baby had a fatal defect and was going to die, either during the first trimester or, if he/she made it past that point, within the first few hours of life. It was one of the worst days of my life.

Having a little one growing inside of me right now takes away the sting a little bit but it is still difficult to look back. The 4 wks of wondering whether or not my baby was going to be in the 5% who might make it to birth was beyond painful. I really hope that once all these year milestones pass, that things won't be as painful and that every year it will get easier. That is my hope anyway. But I will always wonder where that little one is now, whether it will be mine in the next life or not. All I have is hope...

Please Pass the Pickles

So, life is like.... a jar of pickles? Or more the becoming a jar of pickles. This was the message from church today. That we start as a cucumber and have to be submerged in brine in order to transform ourselves into pickles. The problem I have is that I really like cucumbers. It is pickles I don't like.... AT ALL. Now, I am smart enough to know that it is only an analogy but for me, to think of life's trials as a process to become my inner pickle, or the best pickle I can be, just isn't going to work. So, I am creating my own pickle analogy.

How NOT to become a pickle:

In order for a cucumber to become a pickle, it has to be submerged in brine for however long in order to transform. Pickles are yucky and sour and I don't want to be a pickle. So in my analogy, brine is anything that would make me yucky and sour and which I should avoid in order to maintain my yummy cucumberness. The moral of the story: Avoid the brine of life and stay a yummy cucumber.

The kids sang at church today and had little speaking parts. We realized when we got home that Mason, who is 6 and who hasn't figured out how to button his own pants, must have used the bathroom before the program. Yep, he stood up there singing for an hour with his pants undone. It is these moments that mothers are most proud of their children. But, I have to give the kid credit. He did his part, pants undone and all!

Zander has really adjusted to going into the nursery and loves it now. He loves his teacher and loves to sing songs. It is sad to see him growing up so fast. Alyssa is just my sweet Alyssa. She really just does what she is told. I don't know how I got so lucky. I will have to save this so that when she is 15 and making me crazy I can come back and see that she started out as a good little girl!

49 days until we leave for Disneyland. Alyssa and Mason want to make a chain. Zand just wants to go NOW. I can accommodate the older two. Poor Zander will just have to wait. I am getting excited though. We really need a vacation!